Five Percent: The People you think are “Lazy” April 29, 2012
Hyper-Diurnal Somnia, also known as “Excessive Daytime Sleepiness” or EDS. People with EDS experience drowsiness and sleepiness throughout the day and consequently fall asleep at the wrong time, in the wrong place. They feel the need to take several naps a day, although this doesn’t really fix the problem. Naturally, they tend to stay up all night because for some awkward reason, that is the time they are most alert!
Five percent of the population are known to have EDS. Symptoms start appearing from around the age of 14-15 till 30 years of age, and slowly develop to become more problematic year after year. EDS causes the person to be very easily irritable, constantly tired, and less focused than normal people. They tend to lose the efficiency of their memory, and in strong cases stop functioning properly when in society or with family and friends.
Five percent of the population are seen as “uninterested” by their teachers, “lazy” by their bosses, “weird” by society and “unbearable” by their family and friends. Their increased irritability causes them to sound “mean” when they really aren’t. Their lack of focus washes away all their hard work and makes them seem as “irresponsible”, incapable of finishing any project on time and unworthy of trust in any working context. People with EDS have trouble focusing in class, at work, or even in the middle of a conversation. They can’t get through an easy exam because their brain is too sleepy to function!
Five percent of the population have EDS. I am one of those five percent. And today I want people to know about us five percent! We are those who have to work twice as hard or more to get somewhere others have reached easily. We are those who are misjudged and sometimes punished by society just for having a disorder that is uncommon.
The message is simple: Society needs to start looking beyond the surface, and that applies to every disorder that exists in the world. Start caring!!
“Smart” argumentation. January 15, 2012
“It unstresses me!”
Yes, so does chocolate, laughter, sleep, exercise, and possibly interacting with humans.
“Oh really? Well I made lots friends through it. This is a great way to be part of society, and I have more friends than you.”
I’m happy for you. Being part of society in your world requires the use of an object.
“Whatever. It makes me feel better and gives me energy.”
So do bananas, vitamin C, nuts, green tea, coffee, sunlight and fresh air. The kind of fresh air you are fogging up.
“What I’m doing is less than 1%. You should see how polluting car and factories are!”
So you decide to make things worse?
“I’m not making anything worse.”
Of course you are. First you’re polluting the air, second you’re decreasing the levels of Oxygen indoors, thus causing others to breathe pollution in places where cars and factories don’t even affect the air. In addition you’re breathing it all yourself as well, increasing your risks of lung cancer.
“It’s not proven. My grandpa did it for all his life and didn’t die from cancer!”
So he just died a normal death?
“No…he had heart problems.”
Lack of oxygen in the body is a factor to heart problems. Presence of toxins makes it even worse.
“IT’S NOT PROVEN!”
Yes it is, you just don’t want to know about it. You’re too busy being addicted.
“Well it’s MY problem not yours.”
No, it’s OUR problem. Every day I come home wreaking of your pollution while I don’t even use it. I do my laundry twice a week to keep the smell off my clothes. First that wastes water and electricity, second it ruins my clothes faster. Not to mention the fact that my lungs are breathing it all. Unlike you, I do not wish to die from lung cancer.
“Cars and facto…”
Forget about the cars and factories. They don’t smoke inside. They don’t close the windows and make a disgusting cloud in the room. They don’t make a restaurant, car or bus impenetrable! But you do!
“But smoking is good for you!”
Good...? Are you serious?!
“Yeah, it makes feel happy and pumped and you can breathe better and..”
The only “good” thing about smoking is the fact your future lung cancer will make your doctors filthy rich!
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU USED ACTUAL LOGIC ???????????????
No, I don’t hate smoking. It’s beyond hatred. In an ideal world where I would be the dictator, smokers would have one of two options:
1-Give up smoking
2-Be banished to an island far away from humanity where they will all live under a huge dome covering the island, forcing the smoke to remain ON the island and away from our air.
We non-smokers do NOT want to be second-hand smokers.
Happy New Year Sarcasmaniac ! January 1, 2012
This morning I received this awesome report of my blogging for the year 2011. I decided to share with you all the insane things I wrote in 2011, with hope that what I’ll write in 2012 will be even more insane ! :P Happy New Year everyone :)
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,600 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 27 trips to carry that many people.
Holidays December 8, 2011
Christmas today: Tree, decoration, presents, fat guys in red suites ringing annoying bells in front of toy shops to attract customers, plastic reindeer, fake indoors snow, red and green. Celebration of Santa visiting you at home.
Original Christmas: Celebration of the night Jesus came to the world…in Church.
Ramadan today: Lights, happy posters, outbreak of cooking shows on TV, people suddenly start praying and stop cursing.
Origin of Ramadan: A holy month during which you pray like you always have, while also fasting in order to focus on your relationship with God and purifying your soul from the materialistic needs of everyday life.
Halloween today: 3 or 4 different dates from different regions of the planet during which everyone dresses up and acts dumb on the streets for candy and chocolate. A drastic elevation in the amount of practical jokes and pranks, sometimes dangerous to the public. Important prop: Creepy pumpkin with an evil smile.
Origin of Halloween: Version 1; formerly known as All Hallow’s Eve, November 1st was the night to remember the dead and pay your respects to them. Version 2; November 1st became the night to remember all of the Christian saints, some papal decision to shove away “pagan holidays”. Version 3; December 4th, birthday of Saint Barbara, daughter of a pagan. She converted to Christianity and was persecuted for her actions. She disguised herself in order to escape unnoticed, hence the dressing up of people today in remembrance of what the saint went through.
Valentine’s day today: The celebration of love! Hearts, pink, red, roses, gifts, couples are excited to spend the night together and party in the most romantic of ways.
Origin of Valentine’s day: A day to remember a Christian martyr, Saint Valentine, who was executed along with many other Christians in the Coliseum at Rome under the reign of the Roman empire. Wonder if there were couples getting eaten by lions together or being burned that day.
Independence day: Patriotism all the way! Flags of every single political party are hung on cars, windows and balconies. People go down to express their “freedom of choice” in our democratic country, proclaiming unity of the people by yelling out the shouts of their respective parties and provocatively expressing which religion they belong to in order to show the superiority of their faith.
Origin of Independence day: The glorious day when President Bechara El Khoury and his little government of freedom fighters from all faiths united in revolting against the French occupation of Lebanon. After spending time imprisoned for trying to break free from the French, these men remained united and inspired the Lebanese to act as siblings under the same flag and take control of their country. Back then, being Christian, Muslim or Druze was irrelevant.
Easter today: Time for the long-awaited egg hunt! The Easter Bunny has been busy all year decorating these eggs that he somehow laid and kept in cute baskets until Easter. Oh, and chicks, cute yellow chicks.
Origin of Easter: The passion of the Christ, His crucifixion, and finally the celebration of His resurrection which brought rebirth and forgiveness to the human race. A time to remember that Jesus came here to save us from our sins and assure us that their will always be the chance to start clean.
So, any holidays you guys would like to add? I wonder if there’s any holiday we actually celebrate correctly…
Lebanese Pride December 4, 2011
Dear Lebanese Citizen,
I saw you on the road yesterday acting cool and showing off to your friends. I came closer and overheard you telling them:
“[...] and when he looked at me like the loser that he is, I felt so good. I mean, I cheated my way to success and he worked so hard for nothing! And I got the promotion! So who’s smarter, huh? Me, of course!”
Your friends were so impressed. You adjusted your flashy sunglasses and took out your cigarette box. One of your friends said he didn’t like you smoking.
“So what? We’re all gonna die one day. Who cares? Besides, I have proof that non-smokers are more prone to have cancer. You’re such an idiot, just live your life!!”
I guess you never thought that while you don’t mind dying, you’re causing everyone else who shares the air with you to smoke along. It’s okay, we’re all gonna die one day. I wasn’t planning to die from lung cancer, but I’ll make a little sacrifice so you can feel better.
I see you’ve already reached the pub. You just got a beer. I drink beer from to time. But it’s cooler the way you drink it. You elegantly carry your beer with two fingers, your beloved ciggy with the other two, and enter the dance floor like the awesome “Jagal” that you are. It’s time to dance. You look for a hot girl and start dancing with her, waving one hand like a pro, spilling beer here and there, letting the ashes fly all around. The next day, you told your best friend about the party.
“Man I kissed like ten girls last night. I can’t remember their faces, but they’re good kissers!”
Congratulations on your new additions to the collection of girls you’ve kissed! Your mom would be so proud. You just remembered your assignment for work though. Your friend seems worried you might get in trouble..
“Don’t worry about such silly things. I’ll invite the boss to dinner and he’ll forget all about it. Besides, I’ll make the loser do the work for me. Nobody cares as long as the job’s done.”
You always have a solution, don’t you. Good for you. On that thought, a pretty girl just passed by the street you’re on.
“Choou ya 7elwe? You wanna give me a kiss?”
You’re lucky she ignored you. I probably would have kicked you, but what the heck. Your mom just called.
“Hey mom. Yeah, of course I prayed today! Am I visiting on sunday? Uhh…no I have a huge assignment. I’m working on it right now in fact. I know I haven’t seen you in two weeks but I’m busy with work and stuff. Yeah I love you too…”
Haha, you’re so cool. Do you always lie to your mom? You do know she misses you, right? I know you never told her you’re an atheist but at least you’re pretending to like God for her sake. By the way, aren’t you supposed to be at work??
“I am at work. I checked in this morning, and then I’ll do it again one hour after my shift. That way the boss will think I worked overtime! I’m a genius.”
I heard it was time for the elections. You know, I don’t follow much. But you seem really excited.
“I’m working hard for the party. We’re gonna rule the country this time! Yeah! And we’re turning things for the greater good. No racism, no thieves, electricity 24/7, stuff like that. The plan will work as long as those bastards from the other religion don’t win the elections. Why?? They’re dumb! They revealed that we weren’t paying electricity last year and fucked up our lives!!”
Dude, did you just contradict yourself..? I thought you have a lot of friends from other religions…
“They THINK they’re my friends. This is all about getting my way. I play social guy and make sure I’m on everyone’s good side. But I hate most of them really. They should just…I dunno, leave the country??”
Alright, I’ve heard enough. I’m sure there are many more “outstanding” things you’re proud of. Well if that’s what Lebanese Pride is, then I’m sorry, but I’m not proud to be Lebanese.
A Special Interview September 21, 2011
I’m sure you’ve all watched/heard a load of interviews with our favorites individuals in the country: Politicians. Yeah well, here’s news for you: All of them were, are, and always will be…WRONG.
D = Me!
Mr.P = Mr. Politician.
D: Hello Mr.P, how are you doing?
MR.P: Good, good.
D: Soooo when did you first become interested in Politics?
Mr.P: I don’t know. My dad was a politician. He seemed to like it.
D: I see! A loving father instilled within his young son’s heart the aspiration to help rule a country. Fabulous…
Mr.P: Desire..? If it’s the desire to own a lot of…green stuff, I suppose it would apply.
D: Green stuff? Care to explain?
Mr.P: As a child, I always observed my dad counting those green, rectangular tickets. I didn’t really understand back then, but the day I sat on his chair, it all became clear to me.
D: Fascinating! Although the day your father left us was indeed a sad and morose one, you looked at the bright side.
Mr.P: Yes, for his death was not in vain. It was for me to replace him and count his green stuff for him!
D: I am so touched. *tear* And then what? Now that you had a new occupation, how did you proceed?
Mr.P: Well it was kind of confusing at first. You see, I studied Electronic Engineering at university, but I was placed in a position where I had to decide all the medical stuff.
D: What a drag. Imagine all the damage it caused the medical issues in Lebanon.
Mr.P: What issues? *Scratches Head* Anyway, so I just delegated all my work to some doctor who didn’t know much about politics, you know, the kind of guy who sticks to his medicine, and I collected a shitload of green stuff. HAH!
D: Pure GENIUS!
Mr.P: I know, right? He he he.
D: But what about the population, did you think about about that?
Mr.P: What population? What’s my green stuff got to do with them??
D: They kind of paid you that green stuff so you can fix their medical issues.
Mr.P: No one paid me anything, I took it all from the bank, DUH.
D: And who put it all in the bank?
D: No, Mr.P, the population.
Mr.P: Oh. Well so what? It’s with me, isn’t it? Mission accomplished.
D: Oh it’s with you alright. But the population isn’t happy.
D: Because you didn’t fix any of their issues. You just took your green stuff.
Mr.P: I don’t even know how to fix medical stuff, the doctor guy was supposed to do that!
D: Shouldn’t you be working in your own field?
Mr.P: I don’t really know. It’s how the government functions.
D: Do you agree with how it functions?
Mr.P: Who cares? As long as I have my green stuff, I’m nice and happy.
D: You’re happy, but the population is kind of angry.
Mr.P: Whyyy? Can’t they just relax?
D: Not if you and your colleagues don’t start working for real.
Mr.P: I have colleagues? O.o
D: Ummm…yes. The..OTHER…politicians. One of which is probably filling what should be YOUR position.
Mr.P: Nah, they’re dumb. people should follow ME and only ME. Otherwise they’re useless and stupid.
D: Mr.P! What about democracy?!
Mr.P: This is democracy. People give me green stuff, I receive it, and everyone’s happy.
D: Allow me to correct you. People give you green stuff, you receive, you’re happy. People are angry.
D: Well look at the time. We should do this again some time!
Mr.P: Will it involve green stuff?
D: ….. <_<